I can't explain why now but I've just woken up from a nightmare reliving it and I don't know what else to do except talk about it.
When I was 17 I was already heading down the jagged path of low self esteem. Hitting rocks like alcohol abuse and risqué behavior head on. I was regularly hooking up with a guy in my grade, lets call him Richard. Well one night Richard invites me to a party.
When I got there I immediately felt uncomfortable because the "party" consisted of 4 guys. Lets call them William, Clark, Brad, and ole faithful Richard.
Now I had already been versed in the art of alcohol consumption and found it strange that after two tentative sips that my body began to feel numb so I stopped. But whatever pill that had me introduced into my drink was strong enough for that to do the trick.
I was completely awake. I was completely sober. I was completely paralyzed. I could feel everything in a numbed manner but couldn't even blink my eyes. Or closes them to the horrors to come.
Clarke caught on to what had happened and left. The rest? Well without getting into graphic details, they raped me. And videotaped it. Then they put me in my car, naked, and drove me to a back dirt road and left me there.
I was afraid. I never told a soul.
At 23 I told Danny. Tonight I'm telling strangers.
9 months ago Brad found me on Facebook and messaged me.
"I just wanted to show my wife the disgusting pig I made a sex tape with"
I don't know what will take this panic away from me. Or the pain.
I guess I will figure it out.
