A pregnancy straight of the exorcist.

So i finally mustered up the backbone to tell my mother of the life growing in me and to my surprise, she was ecstatic.
I shouldn't have been shocked. She needs an adoring audience and i had outgrown that particular habit.
Don't get me wrong. She loves him, truly. But she always has and always will have ulterior motives for EVERYTHING.

Back on subject, as soon as It really sunk it, I really didn't know how to feel. I had tried to be excited but deep down I just knew I was going to go through the same nightmare as before. I was going to have to walk around with a dead baby inside my body an try to feel anything less than completely suicidal.
I waddled through my pregnancy completely mentally checked out. I would feign excitement but I walked, hands clasped, with dread. I took a momentous amount of pregnant belly photographs. I hadn't done that with Gage and I thought "I'll have something to remember this one by."
The physical aspects of the pregnacy were positively horrendous. I vomited constantly. The doctors tried every anti yakking concoction known to man.
Nothing helped.
Even as a big girl, it still wasn't normal to lose 30 pounds in 3 months of my first trimester. It also wasn't normal that one day i would have the belly of a 8 month pregnant woman and the next I would be back to normal. My friends jokingly called him "the phantom baby". My right leg would also swell to ridiculous proportions. The doctors had no way of explaining it. I spent the majority of my pregnancy in the hospital. I had bled alot. My blood pressure was sky high. And I was sick as fuck.

I knew he was dead or dying.
I recall being delerious on pain medication once, sternly glaring at the doctor and my mother saying "If it dies, take it out right away. I'm not waiting."

I felt him moving constantly. I waited for it to stop suddenly. At every ultrasound i would stare at the screen and ask questions like "Is his head shaped normally?" And "is there anything wrong with him that you can see?"

One day at the hospital my blood pressure suddenly shot to double over stroke requirements and wouldn't go down with medication. It was 3 months before my due date and we had to get the baby out.

Someone had to live through it.